Okay boys and girls, its time for Mages Rants.. or something like that. I have to come up with a catchy hook. Anywho, today we'll cover a few subjects. The first is celebrity nicknames. I'm not refering to Uwe Boll's nickname of Destroyer of that Which is Sacred. No, I'm refering to nicknames that refer to a couple. I'll give you the list:

Bennifer - Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez or Garner.. you decide

TomKat - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (Katie Cruise just sounds ridiculous)

Brangelina - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

Garfleck - Another variant of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Spederline - Brit Spears and Kevin Federline.. sounds like a Speedo.

Vaughniston - This one is retarded. Vince Vaughn and Jen Anniston

Parisopolis - A city and the latin word for city. *Thumbs Up*

Jared Catalohan - Um.. I see Lohan.. who is Jared Cata-something?

Gyllengaard - I knew Jake Gyllenhal was gay.

Dashmi/Dashton - Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. I think Ed Rex would be better.

Now, a few of them, its obvious as to who they are. But a few of them.. its kinda hard to say exactly. Like the Parisopolis or the Gyllengaard. Why? Because those celebrity couples are obscure. They don't make front page of the tabloids (which is the extent of my celebrity knowledge. I had to google celebrity nicknames in order to make a complete list.) Now I know the first nick name was cute. That was fine.. but you have the rest of the media to ruin anything that is good in this world. You are unoriginal, overpaid bottomfeeders who should be shot where you stand. Tabloids and people who work for them are Satan's spawn. I can't stand hearing about Paparrazi (Which was a bad movie btw) get their asses beat for invading on someones privacy. People always want to side with them too. How about trying this, side with the people you devote so much time to. How about treating them like they're people. They do the same thing you do. They get up, go to work and then come home or go out to a party or take care of their kids. Yet, you have to have the cameras up their ass so you know what they're doing before they do it.Paparrazi, they're the scum of the earth and I hope they die.

Secondly, people who bitch about the price of gas.. More specifically, the assholes who take their gas rage (sounds like a medical condition), out on store clerks and what not. These limpwristed prostate fondlers are out of their minds. They either gas up and bitch about prices to the store clerk (who has no control over the price of gas) or they gas up and drive off. Hey, asshole, look at me when I'm talking to you, stop yelling at the clerk. He did nothing wrong. You want to bitch about the price of gas? Then write Exxon, Texaco, Shell, BP, and whoever else you buy gas from. Start boycotting. Start doing something active about the situation instead of bitching about it. You lazy fucks. How about cutting back on the driving? Plan your destinations ahead of time. Stop making 3 or 4 trips to the store a day. Carpool!! FUCK AROUND you lazy bastards. Stop with the bitching and get active. And a lot of you are going, well Michael, you're not getting active and all you're doing is bitching. Yeah, thats because the active step for me is to take a baseball bat and get all Babe Ruth on the back of your heads.

MOVIE REVIEWS!!

The Da Vinci Code or National Treasure: European Tour. Yes, thats right folks. There is nothing offensive in this movie. The plot is fairly simple, yet for some reason, its just not executed properly. And the sad thing is that this movie is 2.5 hours long. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it were 3 hours long.. or a made for TV miniseries. That would have at least given it time to explain more in detail the background of characters like Robert Langdon, the Opus Dei Alibo Monk, even Leigh Teabing. I'll have to read the book now if I can get past the after taste. The actors move through the movie like they're drugged. Jean Reno in particular.. which is sad, because he's decent actor. And Audrey Tatou, you're beautiful and I'm sure a talented actress, but did you have to pour the French accent in so thick? Half the time, I expected to see a subtitle caption at the bottom to understand what you were saying. The Albino Monk seemed like he was mumbling the entire time.. possibly about how poor this movie is going to do. Don't get me wrong, its a great movie, but it didn't meet expectations. Da Vinci Code, I'm giving you a 3.5/5.

X-Men 3: Last Stand. Again, another really good movie. Not great, but damned good. What I particularly liked about this movie is that it has moments where you're just left going,"Did I really see that?" One of the most pivotal moments in the movie had my jaw dropped for a few minutes after the scene. Kelsey Grammar played one hell of a Beast/Hank McCoy. I can't possibly see them getting anyone else to do the role. Cyclops and Xavier seemed to be lifeless in this one.. heheh.. Thats funny. Oh and stick around after the credits for an extra goodie. This ain't no trilogy my friends.. at least there will be a few more movies to come. So what was so bad about this one? It was a great movie.. Not the best I've ever seen mind you, but a damn good movie. There was nothing truly wrong with it. It had its memorable moments (Don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut Bitch!), but its not the most memorable movie ever. Like I said, go see it. Don't bitch about it. And Halle Berry did a better job in this one than she has in her previous roles. We see her really kick some ass.

The last thing I want to go over with everyone is that I just got back from a trip to Arizona. That is currently where my fiancee resides. In a few days, her and I will be married. I'll be gone for a while.. sorta.. if'n you know me, come over and meet my wife. I loves her so much. She's the best thing that has happened to me and my inspiration of all my endeavors. She is my best friend and will eventually be the mother of my children. Thank you Wendy for all you've done.